The witch of the wood lived a simple life in her modest hut
of stone and thatched straw, and she was happy.
Her witching had never seemed like a job to her, she just
enjoyed helping people so much she often felt guilty charging even the merger
sum she did for her services.
Love potions, death potions, putting hexes on people's enemies,
even the occasional mad ramblings to just intimidate someone bought her joy.
Villagers from the little towns bordering the big forest
would make their way through the labyrinth-like woods to come ask for her
witchy wares, and she would oblige them merrily.
On slow days, she would go out and find the poor retches that
never found their way through the maze of gnarled old trees and loot their
carcases for whatever offerings they had been planning to give to her anyway.
Yes, it was a good life being the witch of these here woods.
Sipping her tea, the witch sighed with satisfaction as she
looked out the round window of her hut's kitchen.
The smile faded from her lips and a shadow crept over her
face as she spotted a figure standing out amongst the trees just passed her
cursed herbs garden.
It was a good life, except for this idiot.
Catching her eye in the window, the hooded figure started to
wave excitedly and move to come into her yard.
Putting her tea cup down with a clatter, the witch dashed
out of the back door to meet the grinning buffoon they could stomp all over her
patch of lucky four-leaf clovers she had worked so hard to cultivate in this
climate.
Alas, the simpleton trampled all through the delicate little
patch of green before she could get to them.
The witch sagged with exasperation as the warlock dehooded
himself while continuing to wave and stomp up to her, totally unaware of the
destruction left in his wake.
"Hullo, Hazel!" he greeted her amiably. "I
was hoping you'd be in today!"
Visibly, Hazel the witch rolled her eyes as the warlock's
robes got caught on the barbed wire fencing that surrounded the more deadly
genus of flowers in her garden.
"What do you want, Wilbur?" Hazel asked with
supreme annoyance. "I am a very busy witch."
Wilbur struggled to pull himself free from the fencing just
before a big Venus snapped at his head; unfortunately not taking it clean off
his crooked shoulders.
"Oh, I've run into a bit of a problem with a spell you
could say." Wilbur the warlock stammered as he reached Hazel where she
stood in her irked stance.
"You could say you run into a lot of problems,
Wilbur." Hazel replied bone dryly.
"Yes, well," Wilbur continued unfazed. "More
of a situation with a Doubling spell, really. I was working on it for Farmer
Thendorg in Fenrith over yonder, and well, I could really use a pitch of your Dissolving
powder. You know the one you use for really big wart removals?"
Hazel's hand automatically went up to her chin before she
stopped it with a nonchalant dismissive wave. Her skin was clear and smooth
now, no need to doubt herself.
"Yes, I know of my own powders and potions,
Wilbur." She snapped. "What of it? What could you possibly have to
trade that I would want?"
Grinning his stupid, goofy grin, Wilbur started to root
around in his robes.
"I am NOT interested in any of that!" Hazel
protested abhorrently while trying to avert her eyes.
Unaware of her disgust, Wilbur pulled out a handful of
little, orange coloured toadstool stumps.
"Well, I just so happened to come across a patch of
these beauties." Wilbur offered proudly. "I might not have the skill
to distil these Halorooms for their potent properties, but a witch of your
prowess would certainly find them valuable."
Through her splayed fingers, Hazel peeked at the mushrooms
Wilbur held out to her and a greedy spark ignited in her green eyes.
"Well perhaps." Hazel tried to sound mildly
interested with maximum restraint. Those little knobs could last her years and
keep her pot overflowing with coins from the women and men who coveted their
'uplifting' qualities.
"I only need a cupful." Wilbur said earnestly. The
fool had no idea how valuable those mushrooms were. "Just enough to make a
batch of Vanishing potion." He explained.
Playing it ever so cool, Hazel took her time mulling the
trade over, instead of instantly snatching the orange stumps up greedily from
his clammy hands.
"I suppose I could spare some." She said
thoughtfully. "But only, a half a cup. I'm running low myself." She
quickly added.
Wilbur's grin somehow widened further to show even more
crooked and snaggled teeth. He's probably aimed high, knowing he'd only need a
pitch of the stuff anyway and thought him self pretty shrewd, she thought.
"Bless you, Hazel!" he blurted as he dumped the
mushrooms clumsily into her hands so forcefully she had to stumble back as to
not have him right on top of her.
"Okay, okay." She told him as she pushed him back.
"You just stand here while I go get the powder. There's hex traps all over
the yard so I mean it: stay put!"
Wilbur stood at attention dutifully as Hazel bustled back
into her hut, muttering giddily to herself about how the idiot warlock was
finally proving useful.
After a few moments she came back out to him carrying a
little burlap satchel daintily between her finger and thumb.
"Here you go..." She tried to put as much sugar
into her voice as possible in his presence,"...darling." she
shuddered with self-loathing. "Now, don't you drop it, because it's liable
to crate a hole in the ground so deep you'd never stop falling." She could
only hope.
"Thank you so much, Hazel!" Wilbur said with so
much gratitude Hazel almost felt bad filching him. Almost.
"Now just go straight back the way you came." She
instructed him faux-sweetly. "You don't want to step on one of my
hexes!"
Wilbur stumbled around and goose-stepped back over the patch
of clovers without noticing again as Hazel held her false smile with a wave.
"Oh, thank you again!" Wilbur burst as he waved
back while walking out through the slightly over-grown path. "Don't worry,
I'll be carefu..."
With a sudden poof, the warlock disappeared in a puff of
purplish smoke.
Hazel gasped in surprise as the satchel of Dissolving powder
fell freely through the smoky air towards the ground, only to be caught by a quick
acting hand.
Hazel balked at the sight of a second Wilbur the warlock as
he caught the satchel and waved stupidly at her.
"Doubling spell problem!" He called to her with a
wink. "Thanks again!"
The warlock turned and rambled into the trees where Hazel
now saw that there were a dozen or so Wilburs waiting.
They all waved and grinned like the same moron that had just
gotten hexed into the Neither Realms.
Hazel shook her head in disgust and stopped waving abruptly.
"Idiots."
